i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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