Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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