one two three fourrrrnication!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
