suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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