Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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