we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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