OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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