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my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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