I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My vagina is very pro this idea
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
