That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
