Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
