This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
