i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
MIDGETS
????
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
