ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
