I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
