I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
