I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
