i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
