god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
