i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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