I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do vagina's smell?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
