were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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