you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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