Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
