By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
