Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
