He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
