let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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