I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
