Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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