just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're like the curious george of whores
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
