I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He better not be in your backpack
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
