R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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