AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
