So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
