i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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