well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
