apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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