it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
