guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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