It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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