Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
