No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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