I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
