Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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