mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
