I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
