awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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