my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
