Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
