So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
