2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
